Working with Michelle Buggy’s power-filled space, Spring Tide, to open and anchour that which resides within.
There is a lot of power in just following your nose, down the rabbit hole, into the deep dark recesses of the self to find out what that core thing is…
Feeling deeply in my pre-blood state, soft and vulnerable, butting up against a hard bit that I have been chewing on, probably my whole life. I did all my chores, set open the space, I could feel some of the fear on my edges, knowing I was not going to run from it, just keep feeling the fear and do it anyway!
The pre-menstrual meditation I have built as part of the HFF work is a kickass tool. And when I set myself up in a level 2 reiki space to deepen it… WOW… I can really feel the shifts, the tears streaming down my face, the pain, but held in such honest softness, openness to the healing. THEN, I gave myself permission to begin a journey I had long awaited… Working with the Spring Tide: An Experiential Art Therapy Journal by Michelle Buggy.
It’s like all the pieces are here now. All the moments feel more aligned than they ever have and the space just flowed through.
I struggle with pictures, with visual anything and I know there is power there to find of my expression, which is why I am moving myself forward into this new tool to gain greater access.
The pre-menstrual phase, from what I understand of myself and many other women, is a time when reaching beyond the conscious into the unconscious is perhaps the design. In this time I call forth that which is governing me from deep within in a way I no longer choose. I call this part of me forward to hear, to witness, to hold, to heal… on the path to wholeness.
This hard bit, this truth of me that has been there for so long. This is what I wrote:
Needing to return… unto the source… Give First… keep giving, without expectation… there in lay the cursive state.. that poverty fate of those that have no desire for return, how can anyone learn? If there is no effort on their part, no part of the heart it costs to heal… that offering of original sacrifice, that price of truly allowing through… I do a disservice if I expect nothing from you… whether my student or my lover. Looking beyond that story… that glory of being so very righteous… when in fact I am after a real return, of money, time and energy that comes back to me, not in an exploitative way, and to stop exploiting myself. I’ve done this work. I need to share… time to build Her here… time to create all manner of wisdom, story offerings with aspects that will be sort after… that people can make a purchase of incredible value to get further along the table, the altar of offerings to the self, that we may be whole.
There was a deep understanding that the yearning of a child to be loved, mostly by the father that has abandoned her, had created a constant state of offerings, made over and over at the altar of hope that it may be returned. So real, for so many of us, reaching for that place of “good enough”. A question of worth.
What I got from the artwork above was that clear place of sustainability… that the Earth gives, all the time, over and over and over, and when her systems are whole and clear, she is sustainable in that because there is an inherent return, a whole system has the return built into it. It is the taking without there being anything in return that is the damage.
I know the worth of my work. I know that when a woman stands up in her blood wisdom and trusts that her body is good and whole she is a force to be reckoned with, a force our Earth is calling forth in ALL women. The offerings of classes, tools, writings, rituals… these are all worth something. I look forward to the sharing, and the return.
Living Circles 